![]() We are not a formidable species, physically, but we can do language and if you can do language then you can do myths, and if you can do myths then you can conquer the world. How? Scrawny, breakable, generally pathetic but enough about myself. Anyway that went on for a few hundred thousand years until we got around to developing agricultuire probably about 12,000 years ago and suddenly "if we don't find food, we'll all die" turned into "if you eat my food, *you'll* die" then into "ehhh, I'm full, but I'll eat some more" and then into "uhh, yeah, I'll have the gluten free macaroon and the lactose free avocado shake, merci beaucoup" And then we went off to build society. Most members of the tribe had to know the core skills of survival: which berries will make you dead immediately, how to remember the terrain, how to build tools, how to stay alive… they were generalists, they had to be. and they weren't and they weren't idiots. Their diet was probably quiet varied, vegetables, fruit, nuts, insects, Боза whatever they could find. So that was that, we were bumming around for a while as hunter gatherers, the land was often barren, the climate was often hostile, death lurked everywhere, so… Portsmouth, basically… But it really wasn't all bad, we think the average work week might have been 20 to 40 hours. * Combine that with the fact that we can make big wordy noises, we're socially complex, and probably had domesticated doggos at some point for help, well we were a force to be reckoned with. And within 5,000 years of meeting us they were *gone. This allows you to, as the evolutionary biologists put it, Fuck Shit Up! Neanderthals were hanging about in Europe, doing crochet, cracking open cold ones, until around 45,000 years ago when us sapiens turned up, coming from East Africa. Speech is fine for dissing and cussing, but it lets you do other stuff, like organize. Then why are they gone? You see, Old Gary Neanderthal might've been a smarty pants, but we had a secret weapon which is mouthy word noises. * So where be dem other hominids, yo? Neanderthals, for example Neanderthals were probably stronger than us, a bit taller, with a rather different skull, and a bigger brain. * The last three surviving species of human were Neanderthals, who probably died out around 30,000 years ago Homo Floresiensis, who disappeared about 12,000 years ago And us, Homo Sapiens AKA BIPEDAL BASTARDS! And if you haven't noticed, *we're still here. There were at least 15 other Human species we know about, and now they're *all gone. They wore jewellery, maybe buried their dead, and always passed the joint to the left. Neanderthals were probably just as brainy as us. Homo Heidelbergensis were building shelters about 700,000 years ago. We are called Homo Sapiens, but we were not the first human-like creatures on the planet however Homo Habilis were making tools about 2,000,000 years ago. Our species probably began about 200,000 years ago, and judging by the fucking state of us I think we can all agree it was a terrible idea.
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